Tommy Tomkins Fan Club

Our greatest fan is Tommy Tomkins himself! You will know of Tommy Tomkins simply because he is one of the greatest people to have ever lived. To join the Tommy Tomkins fan club please send an email to the address elsewhere on this page.

Benefits include

• The title 'Official Fan of Tommy Tomkins' will be yours - you will be able to write the letters OFOTT after your name
• You will have an overwhelming feeling of joy in your heart as you will be part of great and wondrous body of people
• You will feel closer to Tommy Tomkins than you ever have before
• You will have renewed inner confidence and will be able to now do all those things that you kept meaning to do but were too afraid to
• An opportunity to buy 'Being Tommy - The Tommy Tomkins Story' at a discounted price

Additionally you will receive

• A member's hip
• Membership badge with image of Tommy Tomkins
• Membership certificate with image of Tommy Tomkins
• Membership card with small image of Tommy Tomkins in top right corner
• Signed and framed photo of Tommy Tomkins
• Small wallet-sized photo of Tommy Tomkins
• Wallet to house membership card and small wallet-sized photo of Tommy Tomkins
• And
• A freshly caught fish

All this you will get for a very reasonable £29.97 a month. It is not much to be finally recognised as an Official Fan of Tommy Tomkins!

An extract from 'Being Tommy - The Tommy Tomkins Story' (by Jim McIn)

It was at a very young age when Tommy Tomkins realised that he was someone very special. It all begun when Tommy was 10 years old and his friend Mary asked for a signed photo of Tommy. (It is still unknown why young Mary asked Tommy for this - perhaps an act of God?) Tommy was surprised by this but duly signed the photo. The wide grin on Mary's face could be seen for miles around. She snatched it from his hand and happily ran away, singing as she went. This was Tommy's first experience of fame. The next day he brought in a batch of signed photos of himself and handed them out to classmates. This was met with much furore and giddy excitement - it was the talk of the day. Afternoon lessons were cancelled as no-one - including the teachers - could concentrate. (Every anniversary of that great day is now celebrated nationally with an afternoon free of lessons. The Tommy Tomkins day is when families get together and thank God that Tommy Tomkins exists.) Tommy was, of course, pleased with the reaction of his fellow students so he did the same thing the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that also. In fact everyday since then he has given out signed photos of himself. He now always carries some spares about his person so he can make someone's day with the surprise gift. His rivals came and went, they failed to generate enough of a fan-base, perhaps lasting a few months if they were lucky. Meanwhile Tommy was going from strength to strength. One teacher in particular always requested that his homework should be written on the reverse of a signed photo - a different one each time! Such reverential behaviour was commonplace. Visiting speakers to the school always left smiling, greedily clutching their signed photo of the great man himself. Such was the demand for Tommy's smiling face that after a time Tommy decided to release a range of products upon which to adorn his image. Most popular was his range of posters, duvet covers and toilet paper. In fact you could decorate a whole room in Tommy's image - wall-paper, carpets, rugs, throws, life-size cardboard cut-outs, table-cloths and even a Tommy Tomkins full body-suit so that you yourself would not feel out of place in such a magnificent room!

At this stage, of course, there still was no Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club so all of his fans were technically unofficial; it is not very nice to call yourself an unofficial fan of Tommy Tomkins. He would receive many thousands of requests to set up a fan club. Tommy, a modest man as we know, felt embarrassed by this. It was only after the Great Street Protest of 2001 in the heart of London, attended by 5 million Tommy Tomkins fans, that Tommy changed his mind. He realised that this is the one thing that most people want in life and he should give it to them. The Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club was born! (When asked the question 'What would be the one thing you would take with you to a desert island?' the answer from Tommy fans is always 'my Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club Membership Card!') As we all know the Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club has gone on to be the most successful fan club in the world - and it all started with one signed photo!

A very interesting fact, and one that all true Tommy fans should know, is that Tommy is short for Tomothy and not Thomas as everyone assumes. This name is of Germanic origins and is rapidly gaining popularity among new parents. It has often been said that in a few generations time everyone will be called Tomothy, male or female. A fitting honour for a great man.

These days Tommy likes to keep a fairly low profile. He has grown tired of the adoration he receives from his many fans and prefers to live a quiet life with his pet and loving wife, Betty the Badger. He, of course, still takes part in his charity work and also signs many thousands of photos each week. Membership of the fan club is continuing to rise exponentially as his popularity continues to increase. It has been suggested by a close friend of Tommys that he is considering a limit of the number of members to his Fan Club. A scary thought I'm sure you'll agree - so hurry, join now!

Some quotes from our many happy and satisfied members

"Joining the Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club has given me a new lease of life. I am filled with so much more confidence now - it is as though I am a new person. Thank you Tommy Tomkins for giving me the will to live my life to the fullest!" - Rose Roseburn, Business Consultant, Leeds

"The Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club is badgertastic!" - Robert Wisdom, Student, Cardiff

"Do not join the Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club at your peril!" - Maggie Suggs, Housewife, Liverpool

"Being a successful businessman I have to make sound investment decisions daily; I can honestly say that joining the Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club has been by far the best investment I have ever made!" - Jeff Dudley, Market Analyst, Nottingham

"The Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club is the number one fan club in the world!" - Mark Thompson, Architect, Sheffield

"The members hip did not let me down! Thank you Rose Roseburn for the wonderful donation!" - Jason Freeg, Pet Shop Owner, Ammanford

"Joining the Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club was the best decision I ever made!" - Tommy Tomkins, Great Man

Update

For some inexplicable reason, this page has been plagiarised by what appears to be an extremely mentally unbalanced individual. Read his version here. We are not quite sure what his point is or indeed why anyone would actually do this?? One thing that we do know is that we shall remain eternally confused. No change there then.