WeAreAllBadgers is an online magazine-format magazine. WeAreAllBadgers has engaging articles, editorials, award sections, competitions and even prizes. Copies are distributed bimonthly on recycled paper (WeAreAllBadgers are Green!) to many recycle bins across the country (WeAreAllBadgers keep costs down by cutting out the middle man!). If you would like to request a hardcopy please shout very loud with subject: 'Please add me to the distribution list'. And remember to include your name and address. We reserve the right to pretend that we did not hear.

Thank you for popping in! Before going any further, please visit our sponsor below - they supply us with funds so that we can hire even more staff and therefore write even more engaging articles, editorials, award sections and competitions! (And buy prizes.) So please, peruse Badgers Direct - for all your Badger needs! If you put in an order please mention WeAreAllBadgers as your source. Many thanks and happy shopping!

A wise man once said: 'we are all badgers'; a simple yet thoughtful utterance that has spawned this very page and it's many brethren. An interesting philosophical concept, as we're sure you'll agree, is that this single statement; merely a few words in length; had, at birth, the innate capability to be the mater of so much random and, evidently, perpendicular warblings. We bow down to the now sentient phrase 'we are all badgers': by coming into being; by existing; she (as we have now defined her to be) has, in turn, prolonged the need for us to continue with our own existences; a bestowal that we will not readily forget - we can, at last, be proud of our extant nature. We shall pass on her generosity in kind; lest we be unworthy of belonging to the human race.

The word Badger is a very proud and versatile word - derived from the Latin verb 'badgia', meaning 'to badger', and found its way into the English language by hot-air balloon in the early 12th Century. Originally Badger was the name of a breed of British gazelle but a brutal war in the 16th Century with the local foxes resulted in the total extinction of Badgers. The foxes suffered heavy loses also and the race has never fully recovered - they are still carrying their battle-weary faces. The reasons for the war have been lost in the mists of time but historians consider it a distinct possibility that it has something to do with jam. Witnessing this exercise in pointlessness was a race of black and white (and shades of grey) nocturnal mammals, collectively (and unfortunately) known as Twonks (a versatile derogatory term). Belying their scrotum of a name, the Twonks seized this golden opportunity and officially adopted the name Badger for themselves. This changed the course of history for the Badgers (nee Twonks) and saw their fortunes take a dramatic turn for the better. Prior to the now termed 'Reformation' twonks suffered from the highest suicide rate of all creatures, higher even than lemmings. Post-reformation is now a radically different story - data collected and analysed by numerous woodland creature appreciation societies showed that the happiness of Badgers has increased tenfold since those draconian times. Anti-Badger groups have, over time, twisted the meaning of the term to refer to a religious movement that led to the formation of Protestant churches in Western Europe - this is pure propaganda aimed at deferring attention away from the glory days of the Badger. As a result of this dastardly practice, they have succeeded in clouding the glory days of the badgers - a sad state of affairs that we are continuously fighting to reverse. The early 20th Century saw the formation of many Badger exploitation groups and they are still around today. We continue to fight their parasitic ways. We are campaigning on behalf of all the badgers of the world for a return to the halcyon days of the badger. We hope that you will join our struggle. Today the word Badger has a wide variety of uses and is utilized daily by millions around the world. Peruse these pages to find out how, where and when to use them.

Recently, you may have seen some of our supporters (identifiably clad in official weareallbadgers t-shirts) hiding in bushes with big guns. If so, DO NOT BE ALARMED - they are only partaking in the exciting new blood sport of squirrel hunting. Of the grey (or gray) kind, of course. WeAreAllBadgers supports the red squirrel! You may well know of the plight of the red squirrel, bruised and battered by it's larger grey cousins, they are being driven to extinction. The future of our beloved British red squirrel rests with us - the human race. We must begin hunting and slaughtering their grey kinsfolk. Given our history of mass genocide and the virtual annihilation of anything that moves, that shouldn't be a problem. The grey squirrel slaughtering campaign has begun! There is a Grey Squirrel Slaughtering Club near you! Join now for free if you quote ref: WAAB. The clubs are also an excellent opportunity to meet people in your area with similar interests. They are kid friendly also with miniature guns especially made for our little-handed friends. Lend us your support by sending in your best grey squirrel kills to the usual address below. The entries deemed to be of the highest quality (parameters of quality to be decided) will be photographed and displayed proudly on this very page. Click here for your completely free Grey Squirrel Kills log sheet to get you started. Simply print out and use for an accurate log of your squirrel kills. And for the kids who haven't managed to get their first kill (bless) we're running a 'draw a dead grey squirrel' competition. Wolverhampton will be awarded to the winner and we have runner-up prizes consisting of 5 wide-lined pads of A4 paper (80 sheets per pad) and un-matching pens. Big prizes as usual so tarry not.

Play the exciting Guess the Number game for much number guessing fun - generated by the Random Number Generator. If you would prefer word guessing fun then leave immediately as you are not wanted here.

The postie's had it too easy for too long! Wise words indeed. To find out more click here. Sorry, not there actually, click here instead.

YOU demanded it - and we have delivered it! BadgerQuest is here! Take control of Smelly Jenkins and his Enormous Fungal Growth and lead him through the Dungeons of Randomness for an adventure of the highest order. You must save Betty the Badger from certain doom but you will be tested to your limits. Are you brave enough to take the challenge? With over 40 ways of dying it would be rude not to! Click here to play or click here if would prefer not to do so.

Available soon will be official weareallbadgers t-shirts as seen in BadgerQuest - worn proudly by Smelly Jenkins and his Enormous Fungal Growth. Pre-order now at the usual address.

Just arrived - You now have the chance to meet the team behind WeAreAllBadgers! A once in a lifetime opportunity to ask questions such as 'Why did you do this?' and 'Why are you still doing this?' and also just 'Why?'. It is a traumatic experience at best but we will ease you through it with several cups of tea and perhaps a Bavarian apple strudel. Please note that this competition is not suitable for children.

WeAreAllBadgers is, of course, famous throughout the world for its engaging articles, but perhaps we are best known for running two of the most respected competitions in the world today - Colour of the Day and Word of the Day. These two competitions are regular winners of the Best Competition competition, which we also run. The Best Competition competition is also rapidly gaining critical acclaim and has recently even won the Best Competition competition. Somehow. It hurts our minds to even think about it.

To find out the winner of our ever popular Colour of the Day competition click just back there!

To find out the winner of our amazing Word of the Day competition click just over there!

Other weekly competition results exist here.

Internet Tip of the Day - when opening new pages right-click the link and choose Open in New Tab/Window so as to not navigate away from the original page. Thanks to Mother Teresa, humanitarian and Internet wizard, for this handy tip - obtained through our resident medium, Miss Bovine Smith. The lovely Bovine will return soon with an all-new regular column - 'Tips from the Deceased'.

Feeling a little down? Then have a look at our smiley happy people - a page full of happy folk!

Note: We acknowledge that the security system upon entering the site is not 100% reliable. (Click here to enter again.) Experience tells us that its reliability varies from 90% - 93% from year to year. One problem occurs because many people vary from being good one day and then evil the next, so it is impossible for the system to detect them. (QuickFix Security Solutions are working on this longstanding problem as we speak.) Many young people especially are confused about their identity. The decision of whether to be good or evil for the rest of your life is a major one. Do not take it lightly. And do not be embarrassed to ask for advice from parents, teachers, and your friends. Many questions have been asked by those who are undecided, such as:

• 'What are the benefits of following the path of evil?'
• 'If I am evil then can I kill people and is there a limit?'
• 'Does my collection of assorted limbs mean that I am evil?'

The advice of criminals and serial killers can also be taken on board, but be aware that it will be biased towards evil. Remember - the final decision is yours. You will burn in hell for eternity if you choose to be evil, but as we said, the choice is yours. If you are having trouble deciding then take The Alignment Test. This previously secret government test has been discovering notorious evil geniuses for decades. It has now been released into the public domain for the good of humanity. Here at WeAreAllBadgers, we think the test should be included as part of the National Curriculum and perhaps introduced at Year 6. This would identify evil tendencies at a very early age, and then 'corrective arrangements' could be made accordingly.

Send in your photos of toilet signs! To be more precise, send in your photos of amended 'To Let' signs! This creates instant extra toilets all around the country. Since the great toilet shortage of 1992 the world has been on edge, hoping that another disaster of a similar nature does not occur again. WAAB have come up with this versatile solution to the possible crisis. Act now before it's too late. WAAB have been commissioned as project managers to monitor the increases in toilet locations. Please take part in this Government sponsored project as there is much at stake. As an incentive we will send you a free WAAB badge for each new toilet you create. (As much as this amuses us, we have to admit that at the end of the day, it's only To Let humour.)

Our greatest fan is the great Tommy Tomkins. And conversely we are his greatest fans! Which is why we joined The Official Tommy Tomkins Fan Club. And now you can!

To read some strange sentences that have been uttered by man but probably will never be heard again, click there. This is a continuously growing archive and probably the most comprehensive 'strange sentences that have been uttered by man but probably will never be heard again' list in the world. If you are studying 'strange sentences that have been uttered by man but probably will never be heard again' for a school project or thesis, then this is the place for you. Each entry has a background description and suggests possible stimuli for the utterance of such a strange sentence. Each entry has been rigorously researched to confirm its authenticity. It is rejected if we are not 100% sure. Please feel free to send in your own 'strange sentences that have been uttered by man but probably will never be heard again', complete with description and stimuli, but please note that it shall have to go through a lengthy and sometimes intrusive validation procedure to confirm its authenticity.

Update on the campaign to make National Badger Day a public holiday for all: Thank you all who took the trouble of taking part in this good cause and sending this letter it to your local MP. The public response to this campaign was phenomenal. It genuinely touched our hearts to know that so many people cared about the fate of National Badger Day. After all our hard work there is good news - your letters, backed up with the political muscle of WeAreAllBadgers (We are official sponsors of National Badger Day*) and Badgers Direct have forced the Government to decree that National Badger Day is now to be held annually on a Saturday. And it is all down to you! Well done! There will be more public campaigns in the future to make the changes that need to be made in order to make this country proud and great once more.

As we would like to get to know our readers better, we've written up a questionnaire for you fine folk to fill in. As an incentive, every completed questionnaire will be entered into a draw to win a signed photo of our greatest fan, Tommy Tomkins. The draw in question is the second from bottom in our grey filing cabinet, next to our assorted fish collection and on top of a small flat man, who quite frankly, has overstayed his welcome; our office is small enough as it is without flat people inserting themselves under things.

As it is a month of the year we have introduced an exciting new raffle into the fray. You have the chance to win the top prize of £10, 10 runner-up prizes of £5 and 50 third place prizes of £2. Tickets cost only £10 each. Please post your cheques or postal orders to simply WeAreAllBadgers, and as we are so well-known, the postie will know exactly where to deliver it to... Good luck! All profits will be donated to a round man who looks likes a fish.

weareallvoles have succeeded again! Once more we infiltrate the badger infrastructure and continue our vole awareness campaign. Victory will be ours! Damn, this text is the same colour as the background. Bugger.