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Cheese fan? Ever fancied taking on the role of some cheese? A fine cheese role at that - perhaps a fresh slice of Wensleydale or an unopened pack of Red Leicester? You now have the chance to learn these and many more fine cheese roles from all around the world - simply join the world-renowned UK School of Diary Products Acting.
We teach all forms of diary product acting but we specialise in cheese. Our milk and butter departments are renowned throughout the UK - but our cheese department is renowned throughout the world! Our productions include cheese-based re-workings of some of the greatest films ever made. These include Cheese Wars, Citizen Cheese and the all time classic Fellowship of the Cheese. Join now for a chance to play a major role in our new production: The Texas Cheese Massacre.
As a student you will learn the subtle differences between the myriad cheeses of the world and how to play them effectively and realistically. You will learn to 'become the cheese' - a technique only practised by our school - and one that spiritually bonds you with your chosen cheese. Our experienced actors can immerse themselves in their cheese roles and sit on crackers for days. Without releasing their mental bond with the 'power of the cheese'. The school record goes to Chav Bentley, who spent 34 weeks and 2 days relaxing on a wafer-thin salted cracker. Just think, that could be you in a few years! We will pass on this knowledge to you - our students. We want you to be the best to prove that we are the best!
Events to look forward to are the annual Cheese and Biscuit Evening when we join with the UK School of Biscuit Acting in a celebration of cheese and biscuits through the medium of theatre. See our productions: One Biscuit and his Cheese, American Biscuit in Cheese and the ever-popular The Good, The Bad and The Cheesy-Biscuit.
The school is accepting new students now. To be the best you have to join the best. Join now!
Please note that the school has cut all ties with the Ham School of Acting due to their alleged association with the military wing of the Ham Appreciation Society. While we have no proof yet we feel our continued association might damage our reputation as one of the leading schools and affect student numbers and future funding. This is a purely preventative measure and we would hope to welcome the Ham School of Acting back into our circle in the future. Our association with the Ham School of Acting was most successful in our award winning art house production - The Cheese and Ham Pasty - A Descent Into Madness. A study of obsession and phobia in 1940s London during the war - following the very different lives of two brothers as they struggle to come to terms with their differing relationships with the cheese and ham pasties from their local shop. Betrayed and abandoned by the selfish pasties time and time again they can cope no longer - one turns to crime and the other turns around many times until he gets very dizzy and falls over - straight down a pothole - resulting in his death. A stunning production, as we are sure you can see.